So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
