when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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