he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
