were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
