just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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