this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
