Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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