That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
