the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
