i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize