I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
