I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize