Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
