Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
