We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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