why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
