At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
