I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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