I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
