jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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