I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
