i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
