I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
