i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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