that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
