it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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