She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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