My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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