just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
