I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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