Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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