umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
