i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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