i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
