what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
