Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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