I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
