these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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