You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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