my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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