I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
