At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
