Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
