So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need a beard to bite.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
