pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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