My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize