He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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