I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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