3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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