If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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