Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
