so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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