grandma shit on top of the toilet
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
