She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
