I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
