so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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