that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
