fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
