i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
