Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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