would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
