You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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