is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize